Thank you so much for coming to my Bat Mitzvah. I am so honored to have you all here as I affirm my Jewish identity and become a woman. Today, my torah portion tells of the census and the—

Huh? Wait… this isn’t my Bat Mitzvah? It’s my “About Me” section? Oh. I guess I prepared the wrong thing.

In that case, here are some fun facts about me:

• My grandma named my mom after a stripper. In other words, comedy writing’s my birthright.

• I was on the varsity Javelin team in high school.

• I have a slight obsession with Jane Austen novels and the Regency era.

• My party trick is that I can name every British monarch from 1485 on.

• Everyone else hates that party trick and prefers when I do the worm (seriously… there’s a video of me doing the worm on “Live with Kelly and Mark!”).

I’m a graduate with a degree in Advertising and Film/TV at Boston University (where I lived in fear every day that someone would discover I come from a family of Mets fans).

So, if you want to talk about my favorite shows (Parks and Rec, The Great, Derry Girls, and Avatar: The Last Airbender) or how much I love the Betty White Snickers commercial, I hope you’ll hit me up!